Raising sons to be men

Being an only child, I never saw how differently sons and daughters were treated by their parents until I started having serious relationships. Including my husband, I have had three long term serious relationships, and all three men had  sisters who were treated much differently than them.

I noticed immediately that My husbands mother babied him and his brothers and did everything for them, while his sister had to do housework daily, and was made to iron her 3 brothers clothes aswell as her own on a weekly basis. I remember feeling quite sick when my mother-in-law spoke to my husband and his brothers as if they were little boys who couldn't look after themselves.

On the other end of the scale, however, their father was very affectionate towards his daughter but extremely strict with the boys, and sometimes even physically agressive towards them. My mother-in-law complained a lot about her husbands behaviour and was convinced that he was jealous of his sons, because they were so well liked by people in the area. I think he probably felt as sick as i did to be honest, but as he was a man who did not believe in showing aggression in front of women, he took the anger he was feeling towards his wife, for the way she was treating her sons, out on them. Needless to say this ruined their marriage and they divorced soon after my husband and I moved in together.

As with most marriages, the first few years living with my husband could be hell at times. He expected me to be like his mother and it took a long time for him to accept that I was never going to baby him like his mother did. When I became pregnant, I made a promise to myself that no son of mine would be babied or made to do less housework than a daughter. I discussed this issue with my husband and thankfully he was in agreement that both sons and daughters should be treated equally.

We have two girls and one boy, all of whom are now teenagers. Our son suffers with aspergers syndrom so It hasn't always been easy to treat them equally, but we have always done the best we can. For instance, none of our children were ever stopped playing with toys designed for the opposite sex, We have never expected anything from one of our children that we do not expect from them all, none of our children have ever received more or less affection than any other, If we give to one we give to them all and no male or female issue is ever taboo in our home. We discuss any subject they wish to talk about and Im sure their ability to have close friendships with members of both sexes is a direct result of their upbringing, as they now have a deeper understanding of the opposite sex, than myself or my husband ever had.